bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
