The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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