Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
