i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
