Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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