Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize