The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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