ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
