My hand turned me down
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
