she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
