I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
