my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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