I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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