and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
