he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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