who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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