you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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