i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
