ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
