Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
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