Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
