If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
