I'm eating all of the evidence.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
