I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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