I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
