i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
