i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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