Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
