angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
