i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
