I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
