I'm really into asian looking animals
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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