Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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