i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
