My hand turned me down
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
tell me about the eggs
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