I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
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There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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