He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
