I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
