lets start a swedish sibling band together
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
