Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
