Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
