So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How's work?
Spinning.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
