Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
