your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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