Non-Jews are for practice
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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