I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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