I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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