Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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