I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
