Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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