I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
