I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize