omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
