Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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