Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
did i just pee glitter
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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