you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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