I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
