so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
