If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
