Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
