I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
