She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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