Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize