bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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