Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
People in love make me want to vomit
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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