This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
