cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
