how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
me + whiskey = a bad person
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
