you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
