You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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