Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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