that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
