The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
