I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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