are you still at the devil's house?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
