too bad you live with your parents still
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
