he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
