After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
