let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
