i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
