I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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