i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize