TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
