i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
