No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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