How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You can't motorboat a personality
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
