He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
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how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
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If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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