I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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