Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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