Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
