she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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